I was in love. It wasn’t an easy, nurturing, soulful love. It was the kind of love that rocks your foundation and leaves you feeling consumed.
He was the first thing I thought about when I woke up and the last thing I thought about before I went to sleep. He was intense and passionate, but also secretive and disarming.
Just as I became consumed by this drug, needing hit after hit, he began to pull away. He began making less time for me, making me feel very small and unimportant in his life.
He began seeing other women, but wouldn’t completely cut ties with me, periodically reaching out and sending flirtatious texts that kept me sad and confused.
I probably had every right to be angry and I was certainly upset. I think I cried more during the six months that followed than I had my entire life. It brought to the surface so many insecurities and so much self-doubt.
Whenever there’s a breakup or a divorce, there are typically more questions than answers. And those questions can leave us feeling lonely, numb and stuck. They can also leave us feeling mad and frustrated. So, many times, we create drama around this pain as a way to make sense of it.
When our hearts are broken there’s an opening that’s created, a small space, for the light to get through. So when relationships break, we can either make the choice to shut down and not let the light in, sitting there in our anger, pain and bitterness … or we can turn toward that light. We can choose to seek peace instead.
Here are three great reasons to be intentional about choosing peace rather than drama:
1. That drama and stress will show up in your body.
You won’t eat well. You likely won’t sleep well. You may find yourself working longer hours to escape the lack of peace in your life.
2. That drama and stress will show up in your mind.
You may stop doing the things that you love in lieu of spending hours in front of the TV. You may lose focus easily. The stories that you create in your mind will likely become more frequent and louder: I’m not thin enough, I’m not pretty enough, I should have never said that, What if I never find anyone to love me? Stress is directly connected to higher rates of depression and anxiety.
3. That drama and stress will show up in your spirit.
You may notice that your actions and behaviors suddenly aren’t aligning with your values and who you are at your core. That can impact relationships with your friends and family, as well as your work performance.
Choosing peace requires us to ask and answer some key questions:
How can I show love and grace to myself today?
When dealing with a breakup, begin practicing radical self-care. How can you be intentional about making space in your day to do whatever feels good and nurturing and compassionate to yourself? Where can you find 10 minutes for you in your day? What is your body telling you that it needs right now and are you listening?
What do I need to give myself permission to do?
In the midst of a breakup, there may be specific things that you need to give yourself permission to do. I gave myself permission to stop forcing what wasn’t occurring naturally or organically in my life. I gave myself permission to stop comparing myself and my situation to others. I even gave myself permission to have a bad day occasionally, but not to stay there.
What am I to learn?
Just because we don’t understand something right at this moment doesn’t mean that it has no meaning. We are all teachers for one another and our significant others are here to teach us something.
When we can look for the lesson in the situation, that’s when we can begin turning toward the light and being in peace. Making the decision to be peaceful in the midst of a heartbreak is a choice, just like forgiveness is a choice. It's an action that you take to free yourself from the drama, the nonsense and the bitterness.
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